Gay Agony Uncle: Breaking The News…

Dear Cloud:

I got myself into a bit of a trouble, I’d say….

I have been escorting since my first day at college. I always wanted to, and I have never really had any problem with it. I am deep in closet, since my family would definitely disown me, if they knew about me.

As you probably may imagine, my clients are mostly middle-aged, married business guys, with some little extra dough on the side in their personal entertainment budget. Just like I, those guys want to keep it very, very quiet. I do not want to be disowned, and forced to pay for my college all by myself, and they do not want to go through an expensive divorce that would probably take away most of what they had been working for anyway. I guess you can see where I am coming from?

Some six months ago, I got a mail from a black guy, only four years my senior who wanted to book my time. I thought everyone was entitled to a break now and then, rite?

Lloyd is an amazing guy in every sense. His folks must have been some sort of African gods or something to that effect. A guy who could sweep everyone off his or her or whosever feet. Just like mine, his folks, and even much worse, his employer and most of his friends are all very, very conservative.  Being gay among them is not an option at all. Lloyd decided to risk as little as possible and went for a “professional” who was going to keep it all under wraps.

After our second time together, I gave him back half of my fee. He and I were both on the same boat, and I did not feel like taking his money.  I first came up with a story that he was turning into “a regular”, and was entitled to “special rates”. He looked rather unconvinced, accepted the cash, thanked me, and sure, I had the next appointment booked, too.

Two months or so into our “friendship”, I told him that he did not need to pay for anything. I knew that I was breaking the most fundamental law of escorting but that’s what I wanted to do. Lloyd was moved to tears which was funny a bit because he is such a big, manly guy.

Not much has changed since that time. We are still mostly meeting in one of those small, shabby motels on one side of the road or the other. He is as shy as ever, and neither he nor I seem to have the guts to spill the beans and move on one way or the other.

I have made many plans and promises to myself that I would break the news to him. Once I see him, I just cannot say a word. I am afraid that he may not be able to take it, and will call it quits. I was also hoping that he would do something of the kind himself… But nothing is coming on his part.

I am also wondering if I ought to have some sort of plan, if the two of us are to stick together. I mean, we can carry on like this for a while longer. But this cannot go on forever.

Where do I go from here?

Thanks for reading this!

Closeted Guy

Dear Closeted Guy:

Your options here are:

A)     You man up and break the news to him.

B)      You wait till some indefinite time in the future for him to do the same.

C)      You enjoy the ride while it lasts and move on once the thing with Lloyd is over.

Judging by your background story, you seem to be the one who has been pulling the strings here, and frankly, knowing that life favors the bold guys, I see no reason for you to stop short of taking the initiative here again.

No one really knows the future, no matter what they say. And future is for no one out there to control. But you ought to have a plan, if you want to achieve anything in life.

No doubt, little can be done overnight when it comes to really big things in life. But you sure, can start moving in the right direction.

Your first objective would be to see, if the two of you are on the same page here. Having great sex is one thing. Being willing and ready to re-organize your life is another.

Granted that Lloyd wants to develop your relationship past the limits of your present friendship with serious benefits, you ought to agree on the common course of action.

First, you ought to graduate and start looking for a job away from the conservative environment which has so far, been limiting your scope of action.

Lloyd, on the other hand, needs to take a bit of a lead here, too. There is life beyond the boundaries of his present conservative environment, too.

Once your families realize that they actually can choose between accepting you for who you really are or loosing you altogether, they will have to call their shots, too. Regardless of this, gaining control of your future together with Lloyd or even without him ought to be your key goal here.

Past experience of other people may be a poor indication of what your future may look like, but that that is the only tool you have at your hands at the moment. Surprisingly, even the staunchest anti-gay conservatives tend to change their attitudes once they realize that there is everything for them to loose and nothing to gain. In the large scheme of things most people are very logical and extremely protective of their own self-interest despite all the anecdotal evidence to the contrary.

Once you have your own job, and a place to live in, you are calling the shots. The families are then left with the choice of either going along with this or leaving you to your own devices. Whereas, the former might be both beneficial and more to your liking, even the latter really changes little in your life.

When dealing with people who are considering putting their personal convictions in the way of their own family and the happiness of their children, a good, old, fait-accompli is your best card.

SC

~ by silverrrcloud on March 13, 2010.

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