Gay Agony Uncle: Keeping A Straight Guy…

Hey Cloud!

I think I’ve pretty much lost it. Maybe? Just maybe, you can help me out here?

Karl has been my best friend since the second class. Add some 13 years of friendship to this, and you’ll find us here in Berlin, writing endless papers and reports, partying a bit, and hoping that there may be life after all these exams.  

Karl came out to me in Junior High. Neither one of us took this too seriously. More like, we had something to crack jokes about. (Which we did in pretty much equal measure about him trying to get some ass, and me trying to get some pussy.) No one else suspected anything at all. Life was good.

We got into our freshman year in Berlin together. We shared a rented one bedroom. We partied with our friends, shared our little bedtime stories, compared the scoreboards; Karl was doing much better than I; worried about the next month’s rent, and shared the last cigarette out of the pack. Gay or not, Karl was my best buddy in this world.  

Sometime after the Christmas break during our freshman year, Karl got himself a side job as a computer repair guy. Couple of months later, he was already getting 2-3 calls a day which really translated into the loads of cash that went straight into his pocket. He was getting stressed out a bit, though. He also kept reminding me that I should never mention this little “extra income” to anyone. Especially, not to his parents back home.

He started paying our rent on his own and told me not to sweat it. After a while, he’d even give me 50 or even 100 Euros to go and fill the fridge with “some good stuff” as he’d say. I felt a bit weird about this but, hey, I was not complaining either. I was going to the gym regularly, and this was really showing. Besides, I was going steady with a Canadian exchange student, Liz. (She went by the rule that what happens in Berlin, stays in Berlin, if you are catching my drift?) Even so, I was getting lucky on the side, too.  

Since Karl was now dishing out his dough for both of us to live off, and was getting even more stressed out with his work and exams, all at the same time; I started doing the daily chores for both of us. Yeah, we have been joking about this. Like, he was ‘the man’ in our relationship, and I was doing all the ‘pussy work’, only I had a dick, too. OK, lame, I know.

My folks back home were going through a nasty divorce, since my Dad lost his job; my Mom has had it with him, too. That little bit of support which was coming from home, trickled down to zero. Save for the meager scholarship of a kind, I have been practically living on Karl’s expense. He has never mentioned this, though.  

Some two months ago, everything changed. Karl’s old folks bought him a smart two bedroom in an upscale neighborhood. Karl and I were jubilant and, well, we were partying a bit once he got the keys and all. Just the two of us in our (or his?) old flat.  

After the light buzz set in, the convo turned to sex, as it always does. We went through this for many, many times. Mostly old jokes and the usual retelling of equally old, funny stories. Karl again insisted that he was giving the best BJs in Berlin. I was cracking up. Only this time around, Karl did not stop at boasting about his talents alone. He grabbed my dick, pulled down my shorts, and went on with it. I was amazed, maybe even shocked. I did not tell him to stop or anything. I even did not know what hit me. I am not complaining or anything. Karl would have won the Olympics on his knees… I shot a load like never before. I’ll never forget that Orgasm.

From there on, Karl lost all his inhibitions, if he had had any, and I apparently decided to go along. He said, “Dude, you owe me for this one.” It slowly dawned on me that I shot into his mouth without asking or even giving him any warning.  

I soon found myself biting into the pillow with some cold lube running down my crack. There must have been some serious pain involved, since I remember both shouting and biting into the pillow. If anything the buzz was helping and, I went along.  Well, Karl popped my cherry that night. It wasn’t that bad. I owed him something anyway.

I woke up with Karl going down on me again. I even did not try to control myself. It would have been useless anyway. I feared that I was going to end up with my face in the pillow again. Well, I did. And not only once…

That one weekend changed everything. Karl has been fucking me several times every day ever since. My hopes that the novelty for him would soon wear off were dashed when he mentioned that “we had this good thing going” and that he “wanted to keep it that way”.   

I do not know where to go from here. I am not even sure that I want him to stop. This is driving me nuts.

Part of me is telling me that I am actually enjoying it all. Being a kept guy has its upsides, too. I have made it to the top five students of my class. The gym thing has helped me get some action with girls even after Liz returned to Canada. I am totally relaxed and somehow worry-free.  I am not sure that I want a steady girlfriend now. Sorta’ cheating with other girls on a disco night is one thing. Having a male house-buddy who takes your ass at his will is another.

The other part of me is telling me that this is all wrong. I am a straight guy, and I still find only girls attractive. I should be fending off for myself, rather than living off Karl’s money. Yet, I simply do not have to guts to do anything about it. It ain’t too bad as it is. I do not know what to think now?

I know that Karl would not take “no more” on my part. I know the guy. We have crossed a certain line, and we cannot go back to being just ‘friends’ anymore. After all, I would not want to be ‘just friends’ with any of the girls I have fucked over and over again.

Any pointers? How do I make any sense out of this?

Thanks,  

Uwe

Hey Uwe: 

You do not come too often across straight guys sharing your predicament. I’d say, men often lack the guts to spill out their beans, when it comes to them being sexually ‘used’ or even possibly ‘abused’. If anything, you deserve some kudos for your courage here.

Your key problem here is your own sense of disorientation. Unless you firmly decide that you do NOT want Karl in your bed and elsewhere, you won’t be changing anything worth mentioning. You still seem to be miles away from making that conscious decision.

Start by deciding where is it that you want to be, before setting out on a journey.

Karl is your friend. You know him best. There must be a way to talk with him and possibly establish somewhat fairer rules of the game, if you still want to hang around and play, and if you think that you should have some say in what happens to your ass, as you say.

You do recognize the fact that you are ‘a kept guy’, and you seem to accept the fact that you are being treated as one, too. You may want to do some soul-searching here.

 First off, things always change. Karl may choose to stop being your avid supporter for whatever reason there is. He started paying your bills on his own will one day, and he may equally stop doing so, whenever he chooses to. Your sexual availability and desirability notwithstanding.

Second off, do you have a plan or a scenario for the day after? If not, start working on it now. 

You seem to have very little hang ups about your sexual identity. This might be your major advantage under the circumstances. Yet, you do want to have a clear cut answer to one question: Is the sex going on between the two of you satisfying enough for you to keep it going for the time being? If so, you have solved a big part of the puzzle before you. Recognize the simple fact that this works for you, and that you are willing to put up with it. If the sexual bit does not really work for you, face the reality, make your plans, and let Karl know that this is the case. 

Last but not least, give yourself an honest answer to one more question and pick it up from there: Would you be still hanging around, letting Karl have his way with you, if it were not for the fact that Karl is actually paying your bills? If so, make sure there is always plenty of lube and lots of condoms around, and enjoy the ride. If you’d rather have it differently, start by letting Karl know, and by asking for his help and support in getting there. 

Karl may be far more cooperative than you fear, and deserves a chance to show it, too. 

SC

Guys, your comments and suggestions are welcome. Please, post comments.

~ by silverrrcloud on June 16, 2009.

4 Responses to “Gay Agony Uncle: Keeping A Straight Guy…”

  1. Uwe is a weak-ass cunt. He’s afraid to try to re-set the rules, because he’s afraid that Karl will pull the plug on the free money. He doesn’t say that he’s made it to the top five academically and he’ll be able to land a great job and pay Karl back, or he’ll be able to start paying for both of them. Uwe has to take a good look at himself and make some tough decisions about who he is and what he wants in life. Lotsa luck.

  2. Having a straight guy like you is every gay man’s fantasy — including mine. But, I still think it’s wrong. You didn’t go looking for a sugar daddy… What you thought was the good will of friendship ended up leading to your constant sexual exploitation. It’d be different if you could say you’d thought about Karl in a sexual way before… if you were getting some sort of gratification out of the sex. But, you’re not, and he’s using your body. Honestly, if he can’t deal with the fact that you don’t want to be used, you should take the cut in the standard of living and take control of your own life.

  3. Guys:
    Thanks for your comments.

    It takes quite some guts to cut the cash supply line, even if the dough comes at a certain price. As we all know, it almost always does…

    Basically, it really boils down to either putting up with it or calling quits, doesn’t it?

    SC

  4. You need to really examine the situation. Are you just “going along” with the sexual relationship because you’re enjoying being kept or are you using that as an excuse and really enjoying the sex too. You and Karl have shared an extremely close relationship. It is possible that your attraction to women is blinding you to your attraction to him as well. Sexuality is not just black and white. Human feelings are very complex. You even refer to hooking up with women as something on the side. This speaks to the possibility that you do regard this as your primary relationship and something more than just an exchange of services.

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