To Do (Him) or Not…

Three Dudes

To Do (Him) Or Not…

After almost two months on a lengthy assignment, I am back to my island home, enjoying my break here and re-connecting with my local friends and buddies. Island life goes on at its very own pace. Being laid back and taking it very easy is what we do here. No SoHo, WeHo, SoMa, Castro style grand gay clubbing here. All the hot dudes around notwithstanding…

I met three of my local friends and buddies for the usual round or two of ‘copas’ before the cruising round Saturday night. Marc, a fellow island ex-pat looked a bit jittery.

Marc is pushing his late 30’s. He is single, in great shape and a living proof that there is good life after and beyond the corporate rat race. Marc is a bit obsessed with the straight guys and those who claim to be straight. Which is a shame when you come to think about how much fun he could be having with all the perfectly willing and equally qualified guy dudes around.

His public school/college mate, Jimmy (whose real name sounds very much like Wilbeforce or someone to that effect) has been the love of his life ever since. Now, Jimmy is a straight guy or as much of a straight guy as the public school system allows him to be.

Marc and Jimmy shared rooms and much of their lives in the process. Once they both graduated, Jimmy, after a legendary succession of qualified girlfriends and a very impressive scoreboard got both married and divorced with two children before reaching the age of 38.

Jimmy knew of Marc’s sexual orientation ever since their early teens but never made an issue out of it. On the contrary, he has made it into a mandatory annual event to spend a long weekend with Marc and him alone, for them to drink, catch up and stay well, college-style bonded buddies.

They still slept naked in one bed, walked around naked after showers in their rooms and apparently, hugged each other into sleep every night just as they used to in those school days. It hardly needs any mentioning that Marc has enjoyed ‘their old boys’ games’ more than anything, and that he has been planning virtually everything around that one big weekend with Jimmy every year.

With THE Weekend approaching soon Marc started debating, if he should offer Jimmy his reportedly first m2m BJ this time around. Ever since his divorce, Jimmy has been seriously sexually deprived and was sharing the details of the story of his self-inflicted misfortune with his best buddy. Marc is now inclined to believe that this has been a thinly veiled invitation for him to move their long-lasting friendship onto a new level. The question which has been dominating his days is, should he try or should he hold his horses? What would I do, if I were in his shoes?

Frankly, he’ll be damned if he tried and he’ll be damned if he didn’t. No one has any way of knowing how Jimmy reacts to his advances after all these years. And I have never made that major investment into a crystal ball that would now foretell the imminent if rather hazy future. 

Being ‘the go for it’ guy in most of my gut reactions, I lean towards voting for action on Marc’s part. Other two guys rightly pointed out that one BJ may ruin years of friendship and mutual trust, and that no BJ can possibly be worth it. I had to agree with their point, too. Just as they had to agree with me that later regrets are always useless. Eventually, this is Marc’s dilemma, his friendship and his BJ. No doubt, he will have to call the shots. 

My limited experience with the ‘straight guys’ is of little use here. First off, being a top guy, I have never offered any BJ to anyone. If I wanted one, I made amply sure that my message was loud and clear. Second, unlike Marc, I have never developed any obsession for a manifestly straight guy. I see guys either as being desirable in my books, and if so, I do put all my works on them regardless of their professed sexual orientation; or if they do not matter to me sexually, I view them as ‘other guys’ you do other things with.

I am a patient guy and I do not save time, effort and energy to achieve what I want to achieve. But I know when to cut my losses and call off my game, too. I also go by the rule that if a guy is not certain, does not know, needs time to consider and reconsider, happens to be all too busy, he is not really into it. More likely than not, such a guy is never going to cut his ropes and set free. Sex with him is likely to turn into an exercise in challenging his numerous inhibitions and even more numerous, self-imposed limitations. He is probably going to regret it later on, too. In the end, it would all boil down to be ‘Much Ado About Nothing’. 

In the end, Marc may either choose to follow his gut feeling and act on the impulse. Or he may choose to carefully weigh in the pros and cons of his little enterprise. Unsurprisingly, he seems to be leaning towards the more rational approach. 

I have been wondering as to the meaning of an old, valued but long-distance friendship that really boils down to spending one weekend a year together largely for the sake of remembering the ‘good, old days’ with the license to drink and forget about the daily problems. Marc shyly added half-a-dozen of e-mails to this equation with an obvious expression of shock on his face. Was I trying to say that Jimmy and he were not friends anymore?

Well, not really. I was just wondering about the three things here. First, why would anyone be my best, old friend, with whom I have been freely frolicking around all my youth and much of the adult age, and who is now sharing the details of his innermost sexual life (or lack thereof) with me, if I did not have the guts to do the same with him? Second, what if the thing between them works? We all want guys playing for our team, don’t we? Does Marc have any clue as to what his world may look like, if his prayers are answered? Third, why would a straight guy with an allegedly most impressive track record of sexual escapades in his relatively recent youth lack the guts to grab some initiative and all that comes under the chapter of ‘grabbing’? After all it always takes two to tango, and if a dude wants a BJ, he can also say or signal so. After all, he wants to get his rocks off? He may very well be expected to put some effort into the plan, too.   

Marc is now probably not any better off after having spent some time listening to our musings and good wishes. I guess he can use as much collective wisdom as there is on the subject. 


AF Dudes

~ by silverrrcloud on June 9, 2009.

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