Approaching Straight Men

How to Approach Straight Dudes

One of my favorite fellow bloggers is the Anonymous guy blogging his gay existence, coming out, and wrestling with the daily issues of his life in Picture Perfect. He has recently posted on his frustration and happiness about the straight men in a straight world around him.


Just like any other gay guy, he has a problem in approaching other men, who are by default straight, and who may be offended or even turn aggressive, if addressed by an unknown guy whose intentions are not purely altruistic.


The interaction at hand is something that has to be learned from the others, nothing that you can normally figure out on your own. The following is my experience and my approach to this subject.


Being saved from the usual frustrations of the coming out process, I started hooking up for sex with other guys at 14. This gave me a big advantage over the late bloomers. I also enjoyed learning that ‘practice makes perfect’, and applied the same mechanics to all the other challenges I was facing. Sex may be all about pleasure, but there are many substantial educational fringe benefits to it, too.


Within the next two years, I was having an impressive scoreboard, a good group of gay and straight friends, and my life was on a good track. My gay buddies always joked about me as being ‘deadly’, when it came to bagging the hottest guy who just walked in for the night. While the others mostly prevaricated and postponed, I was putting on my works on the dude. While they were nursing their regrets, I was joyfully getting my rocks off.


There was no secret to my success. I was more experienced than my peers. I was also far more daring, and did not fear any rejection. I did not have any self-esteem issues to bog me down. I also never let the hot dude wait, and choose someone else over me. It was all then and there, and the game was being played by my rules. I also used to rationalize that being a top guy; it was up to me to approach the other guy.


They rightly say that ‘nothing succeeds like success’. Yet, all of my wits and powers were confined to the usual gay cruising venues. I was daring alright, but I was not stupid. Approaching a guy in ‘men only’ spa or bar was one thing. Chatting up a hot soccer dude in your faculty’s elevator is a different ballgame altogether. The one I was clueless about.


My scoreboard section called ‘straight guys’ was non-existent, or at least, I thought so. This all changed by an elevator encounter.


I was attending a national conference in Chicago, partly sponsored by my college. Chicago sounded like a very good plan for a horny, young dude, who wanted to have some fun on the side.


Going back to my hotel room after an afternoon workshop, I stepped into an empty elevator and saw a very hot guy speeding up to catch the ride with me. I obliged by keeping the door open for him. He thanked me, all smiles. I was very kind to wait for him, he said. Besides, he was dying to get back to his room after all that blizzard out there. He badly needed a drink to warm himself up. Did I care to for a drink, too? I looked, half-frozen, too.


Well, he got a good drink from a slightly different faucet though, and I got myself two very exciting and memorable nights with Luke in his suite.


No doubt, Luke was not an exclusively straight dude. When I first met him, though, I did not know that he was a power bottom dude, he soon turned out to be. For all purposes, he was just a very good looking young guy in his business outfit on his way to his hotel room.


He took a certain risk by inviting me to his room. I could have turned nasty, and asked him, if he was a fag or somethin’? But, he was taking a calculated risk. I could have turned him down, but I had nothing against him to cry ‘foul’ at that stage. Since when is offering a drink to a stranger in repayment for his small kindness a capital offence?


Besides having some unforgettable sex with Luke in Chicago that January, I learned how to approach seemingly straight guys without taking undue risks.


First off, you need a pre-text. Even a most trivial pre-text will do. The weather, the sports, the news, anything to strike a normal, superficial convo.


Second, you cannot afford to have other people around listening to your conversation, lame as it may be. Straight acting dudes (str8 or not) must have a reason for not wearing a rainbow pin on their jackets.


Third, never assume that the guy really wants to get ‘too personal’ after all. Both you and he must have a fool-proof, face-saving exit strategy. A simple, ‘Nope, thanks, gtg.’, must do.


Fourth, do not open up the Big Gay story at any time. Just because the guy has agreed to polish your knob, and is thus, having male2male sex does not mean that he sees himself as gay. He may be as gay as Christmas but you still do not want to rub him the wrong way.


Fifth, do not share the stories of your past conquests with him. If he sees himself as a straight dude, possibly ‘experimenting’ with another straight dude, do not destroy his illusion. Your absolute discretion is your best ace here. Do not lie, but stop short of telling on other people. If you do so, he will rightly assume that he’ll be the next victim of your indiscretions. This will put an undue end to all the fun you are having with each other.


Sixth, free your mind from the omnipresent question, ‘Is he gay?’ His sexual orientation is a very moot point. He may be as gay as tomato is red but he may not find you attractive, and won’t have anything to do with you. Or he may be a most perfect ‘Mr. Str8 Arrow’ willing to get going with you for his own reasons.



Last but not least. You want to develop a positive and healthy approach to your own sexuality. If your interests stay with men, go for the men whom you find attractive, but stop well-short of developing an exclusive obsession with the so-called ‘str8 men’. This is a shortcut into a deep well of frustration.  


2009-03-18 2

~ by silverrrcloud on March 18, 2009.

2 Responses to “Approaching Straight Men”

  1. What if you think your best friend, who knows you’re gay and is 100% straight and a slight homophobic, might be ready to give it a shot? What would you do then?

  2. Within the culture(s) I live in, a best friend (not even THE best friend) gets there by amply demonstrating that he can always share everything, and in particular, everything that bugs him, with me at all the times.

    Thanks Lord, I have never had ‘best friends’ of any kind who ever had a problem with spilling their beans with me. Being a best friend, he would also know me, and he would also know that whatever happens, is talked about or whatever, stays just between the two of us.

    If asked, I’d tell him to give it a shot. You only live once, and having regerts later is totally useless.


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