Coming Out Among the Conservatives



Coming Out Under the Ultra-Conservative Traditionalists

Now, if this title does not scare you, nothing ever will.

As it is the case with most of the very scary things in life, there is little to fear about them at all.

Both my parents and our extended family insisted that they were ‘genetically’ pre-disposed towards upholding the most ultra-conservative societal values. There has never been a liberal among them in recorded history. The beauty of such a display of unity among them was that all the radicals always agreed that they ought to be, well, ‘radical’. And that was just as well the one and only thing they ever managed to fully agree upon.

My family however, firmly believed that sex or anything pertaining to it, even it its vaguest form was not suitable for any debate, discussion or even disclosure.

In their world, sex took place between consenting adults behind the double locked and bolted doors of their bedrooms. Though never expressed as such, the overwhelming sentiment has always been that sex was some sort of unfulfilling entertainment for the lower social classes who were unable to afford the best seats in the opera and were thus, forced to indulge in lesser forms of pastime.

Those radical ultra-conservative family values of the 19th century largely centered on the notion of ‘minimal interference’ and the most steadfastly protection thereof.  Which translated into the simple notion that everyone above the legal age, capable of paying for his or her upkeep, and doing so, was free to run their personal lives as they found fit.

Indeed, every ‘laissez-faire Neocon’ tears up with joy when I mention my ‘old family values’ to him.

I started working and making a small income at the age of 17. By the time I was 18, I was fully independent, living under my own, if rented roof and paying for my own phone line. The only person I would have been able to come out to would be myself. Since I had been enjoying a very energetic sexual life since the age of 12, such an obvious disclosure made very little sense.

My college buddies belonged to either the ‘in’ group of the dudes, who were getting some, or the very desperate group of the guys, who were still virgins and completely undesirable as such. There was a silent agreement among the former that there had to be something ‘wrong’ with the latter. Cruel as the young guys tend to be, those of us with the ever showier scoreboards silently agreed to stay away from the ‘losers’ as much as we were able to. Call it primitive networking among the successful with a neat exclusion clause.

Virtually all of my friends were playing the field. Incessantly so. A 3 AM call for a late ‘party’ was a standard in those days and it nearly always meant couple of mixed drinks and a quick fuck. The tops were not deemed ‘gay’ since they were doing the fucking part anyway. And the bottoms were not deemed ‘gay’ either. They were the ‘good guys’ who were putting out so that we, the tops could have some fun. The bottoms got their drinks paid for and even a small change for the cab ride home. If a guy, who was a bit of a regular when it came to putting out for you ran into any sort of trouble, you as a top took care of it within reason. This was the right thing to do.

The notion of being openly gay really did not exist and the contemporary ‘gay lifestyle cliché’ still had to be created. Under such circumstances, the coming out as we know it today, made hardly any sense. You had sex. Other guys had sex, too. We all talked about it amongst ourselves.  No one took it seriously.

By studiously avoiding any formal labeling of people, into ‘straight’ and ‘gay’, and by insisting that whatever might have happened last night did not really matter at all, all the ‘field players’ had a full, unlimited scope of action. Everyone was a fair prey and no one took rejection as a personal insult, source of an ever-lasting trauma and a highway to Prozac.

I have had a ball ever since and am not planning any on further declarations…

~ by silverrrcloud on February 8, 2009.

One Response to “Coming Out Among the Conservatives”

  1. […] saved from the usual frustrations of the coming out process, I started hooking up for sex with other guys at 14. This gave me a big advantage over the […]

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